I wake up often with the feeling of melancholy in my veins and eyes
Weary of each moment
as discomfort plays in the background
And as this common tune rings its face into my consciousness
I am reminded
what am I grateful for today
And as I work through this
to make a shift that I want to exist
I think to myself
wow...
I am thankful for this Earth
Sweet Mother Earth
Who feeds me, nourishes me, and keeps me company,

I am grateful for the words in which I speak
That allow me to experience the colors of who I am

I am so grateful for the animals
that bring joy to my eyes
Just by seeing them in their essence

I feel grateful to have the love of friends
where we can share, love, and inspire,

I am grateful for the crisp cool air
Clearing and cleaning pollution from our skies

I am grateful for the glorious snow
that sits upon my doorstep
for to see a billowy white blanket shadowing trees, homes, etc
is far more breathtaking then I can imagine

I feel grateful for the Universal Oneness
That is my guiding force of light
Teaching me to remember our connection to all and everything
Lessons of collectiveness, love, and consciousness
Evolving the human being's soul

I am thankful for this moment in time
For it is the only one of its kind...
Thank you for the shift, thank you for this time,
The Universal Oneness asks us to remember gratitude all the time.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati
1/21/2011

Synopsis:
It is a frequent message from the higher, gratitude is a major key in the shift of where we we are, and were we want to be.  It is the key to unlock the transformation from darkness into love.

Its Your Turn

Turn, turn, turn
Watch the hum drum of events
Shocks to wake up the you
Pain has gotten in the way
personality has left you astray
turn turn turn
face the fact all that rests in you
Watch the path that lay ahead
Shock the system with evidence
of an evolution to unfold
wake to the dying personality
weaker it gets
as the driver of your soul is your soul
The many I's take a back seat
to the unfinished business you watch here on earth
Evolve to the school of wisdom
Shock the other I's with the real you
Learn from the escape of trapped doors
There is nothing trapped but you
Step outside
turn the key
choose it for yourself
This dear child
is school
And here is where you can learn.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/14/2011

Synopsis:
Inspired by the Gurdjieff work.  Every shock (accidental or not) is an opportunity to wake up the system.  What gets in our way will show up.  This is the school of life... all our personality issues are the books... we can read them, experience them, or we can hide them away.

The Ride

Sometimes the world seems to move so fast
In one minute I am in joyous passion
and the other minute I am in agony
Or sometimes I am calm and still
and in other moments there is the underlying discomfort
I am not okay with this moment
What can I do to change it,
What can I eat to not feel it
What can I do to not think about it
Play a game maybe
watch a  movie maybe
go to sleep maybe

All this change
always going on inside me
What do I search for in all of these levels of existence
do I sit still and clear my mind?
Do I dance till the emotions come to a rest
Ohhh how I don't know
Like the world changing
In me is a constant changing
Longing longing longing
to remember that space within
Where there is no noise
Or I am corrected
Where I am okay even when there is noise
I am at peace with all that shows up
I can observe when the waves of life show up
Or maybe I can contain a little
live a little
Be present a little
To all that i do
Focus on right now
Because right now goes to the past in less then a second
Ohh the world in me is always changing
and the vision that displays before me
"be okay with the ride"
Not good or bad
Just what is
Okay with what is, ever changing
and within
the ever stillness can emerge
"Okay with what is"

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/14/2011


Synopsis:

This poem is just another journal entry of what I work with every day.  When I start writing, it always comes to me, be okay with what is.  It goes as a reflex almost for me to change what is.  I carry so many different emotions during the day.  When I catch these emotions (definately not always) I can start with being wherever I am right now, or sometimes to try not to go to far into any story, I concentrate on what I am doing to the best of my ability.  Being as present as possible.  This is my work for today.
May your "ride" carry the passengers of acceptance and presence.

A Journey to Acceptance

Another day comes
and the blessings reach far beyond the universe
or so I think
With all of this known and forgotten at times
I have found myself in a pool of emotions
where the depth of who I am is sitting at a distance
Observing I am sure
yet Identifying a lot Yes.
The bounds that keep me asleep have returned
I am lost in the wounds of unpleasantries.
Asleep is the place where I find myself
When I couldn't face the emotions that stirred within me
Asleep is where I find my self, when the thoughts have become part of my identity
I know how I got here
Tired as I am
Yet I throw my hands up to the Sky
Why do I hide this cry?
Wake up from this dream
Don't let perfectionism enter in this scheme
But yet...
observe this need to be perfect
Knowing you are trying your very best
Sometimes the universe throws you  a lot
Sometimes you can catch it before you rest
Its okay to feel what you feel
Its okay to think what you think
Look to that which is absolute
And see it as just one of those days
In this world that we choose of this work
It sometimes seems like a lot
I offer this to my divinity
I bring light To all that has come about
Needing to be perfect, sad when I'm not, feeling icky, thoughts of pain linger about
All this I see.
And the lesson for me as of now
I can't change or get rid of what has shown up
But I can see it, observe it, bring it to the light
and let it all unfold
But I throw my hands up to the sky
Oh Lord
I surrender that of the Human I am
I surrender to All that I am

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/13/2011

Synopsis:
This poem is a raw journal entry.  This poem carries a lot of my suffering.  This poem reminded me how hard I try to be perfect on this path.  Catch every emotion when it arises.  Transcend it... ect ect ect...  and I subconsciously want to get rid of all the uncomfortable things that show up.  But the truth for me is Consciousness, light, acceptance (not get rid of or change).  For me the emotions in the beginning where very uncomfortable, but I couldn't contain it all, then from not addressing or giving my emotions the space that they needed, it moved on to the way I look at myself in the mirror, where all the harsh thoughts arise, which feed the emotions. So then my emotions where all lit up, and then a nice meal to dull it all.  So this is where I wrote from.  And as I was writing... I realized that underlying thought of wanting to be perfect... here it is again, why didn't I transcend it ect... and in the end... observing, bringing it to the light of my consciousness, accepting where I am and total surrender to the Source of Divinity is all that I can do.

I share this with you, to hopefully remind you in times that are hard, that you are not alone.  and maybe with all that comes at us at times, maybe this can inspire us to surrender and accept.  This is where we are right now, and through it all you know what..."it's okay".  We are perfect just the way we are.

Aim for Living

Today is not like any other morning
It is not the past nor the future of any of my thoughts
For it is now.
It is consciousness
It is the intention of awake
to all that I do... all that I am
I wander not in my dreams
But in the state of here and now
I look to find nothing
that which is not in front of me
I am the conscious being
Who witnesses all that arises in me
Right now
Not tomorrow or yesterday
So for this moment
I am awake
Awake to my fingers on this key pad
Awake to the distractions
The centers that find an awakening
And I see them NOW
I am fully here to what is
Fully feeling all that is in me
And all the hormones
that dance within me
Like the classical of ballets
I witness
I take them in
Not to distract myself
But give it its space
to find itself within me
And with this I dance not in a dream
But in the reality of this moment
and pause every certain amount of moments
and check in
From mechanical being
To an awakened being.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/12/2011



Synopsis:
I woke up this morning feeling inspired. This came from a reading and meditation.    I gave my mind, body and emotions a little space in meditation. Then some inspiration from the book In Search of the Miraculous by Gurdjieff.  I am beginning to realize the importance of starting my day with some sort of spiritual inspiration, and meditation.  So today, I feel like really observing myself, really being as much as possible.  This is my aim today.  This is my conscious aim.  I want to bring light to my mechanical or robotic self.  Right now.  And appreciate this moment.
Thank you to my mentor, my group of support, and everyone who reads this.  For this all inspires me to write more.
May you find your inspiration today.

Finding "The Way"

Moments pass into eternity
as I wonder in what state am I in
I lift a thousand pounds of emotions
Just to say I am not clear
The subtle emotions that linger in me
are a passing
that lingers in time
as I sit here in my chair
I am feeling that common uncomfortable chime
Where do I go dear Lord
to transfer this pain that I carry in me?
I don't even know where it comes from
All I want to do is escape

But then there is something in me
That knows the "work" of the way
what shall I do to make this a gift for me today?
...
After a few breaths
A vision comes to me to be clear
Send the light of consciousness to that emotion
And let that be all that it is
Feel it, be it, see it
And let that be it
Make no stories up
And so shall it dissolve into the midst
For even as you write
you transform - you move the pain
And the light of your consciousness
Will let you know
All is okay.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/10/11

Synopsis
This poem and in fact all the poetry on this blog, has been inspired by Gurdjieff' and his book "In Search of the Miraculous".   As I sat at my computer desk, I realized that I had a feeling of discomfort.  That has been with me for my whole life.  It showed up as I sat here.  My mentor, (she knows who she is) told me one way to transform suffering is to create.  So here I wrote this poem.  And the teachings of Gurdjieff allowed me to just let the emotion have its space...But catch it before it takes on a story.  You see our stories, or justifications feed our emotions sometimes, and it becomes bigger and bigger.  But I know for sure I did not want it to become bigger.  So here you have it.  I hope this inspires you to catch that emotion when it arises, give it its space, create and be.

A Doorway To The Divine

I want to remember my Self dear God
Is there anything you can give and tell me-
so I can remember my Self?
That which is You, Me, We
and as I write these words
The sense of focus comes about-
a fully engaging focus in what I am doing
"When you step
be fully with it
Be fully with your breath
And in many moments
fully be in your stillness"

These are keys
into the doorway of the divine...
and with this
I breath fully
I feel my pen fully
I feel this journal fully
I feel my body fully
and I create a little space to Be-
exactly where I am right now
As to enjoy life,
as I fully embrace
This moment.

Received by
Stephanie Sarasvati  1/9/11


Synopsis
Last night, very quietly, I felt I wanted to feel present, awake.  As I was walking, I heard inside me "fully engage in each step", so I walked down the stairs, each step as mindful as I could, drink a sip of water as focused as I could and so on.  And in this state of presence, the words wanted to come through...

Universal Message

And the Almighty Universe said and says to me
The center of the storm
is all around you
Look and find the stillness in the mountaintop
But it exists not just there
But everywhere
Look at the stones below your feet
Still they Are
Greet them
Feel them
and you see your Self
Look at the trees in the distance
Before you sets the melodies of Ocean
Movement from water and stillness from the trees in the distance
Feel its stillness
And you will remember thee
In every blade of grass
and every everlasting weed
Even in their movement... there is stillness
When we open our eyes to see

Let the Universe spear to you in Chimes
songing the lyrics around you
the stillness is inside
Reach to find the parked car
The sitting garbage can
Feel its essence
Still, unmoving, unchanging
and You Dear One,
will find your...
Self there.

Received By Stephanie Sarasvati  1/4/11