An Influence of Nietzsche and Tolle

Ancient texts pave the way -
for the dwellers of truth
With whom it lies deep within us all
But first we must realize the illusions
Those which we grasp as one reality

However, in the breach of truth
there lies the perception of infinite amounts of truths
and as we see more of the whole
We may untangle out of our web of madness
and see the totality of the whole
Even if to a point

Ancient texts can guide us
but they as all are
pointers to the whole.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 12/10/2011

Synopsis:
This has been an influence by Nietzsche and Tolle.  There are many perceptions...all may lead to the truth.  There is no one right way.  This to me sums it up... No sunset is the same to any two sets of eyes, for each person stands in a different place.

Allowing Ourselves to Be

There is  something about this moment-
that I am not okay with.
I feel restless, bored-
a tightness in my belly
A feeling of Blahhhh is inside of me
....
I acknowledge that its there
For so many other times
I avoid any recognition...
and keep doing and keep going

Yet right now
I sit and breath into that space inside my body
where the feeling shows its face
But...
"I"  have to watch out
My thinking mind wants to avoid my presence
and give a story to what I'm feeling
"Nothing is right, I don't like that, It's not right"
Waiting for it to go away
Silently I wait
Yet something else is happening
It is shifting
Not just something to avoid
A dislike
A uncomfortable place to be
Its just a feeling that I acknowledge
I am allowing it to be
No judgements of where I am
Remembering not to get caught in when will it change
Just allowing this place in me to be
As I would hopefully
allow a baby to be.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 12/6/2011

Synopsis:
I wrote this poem as I was actually going through the motions.  (not sure if a poem or exercise...lol)  It literally felt like there was a baby inside of me. As I took the time to acknowledge..."I wasn't okay with this moment," it seemed that this emotion (baby) wanted to be heard... wanted space to be... with a little guidance from my inner knowing - when the thoughts would arise, wanting to bother the child (emotion) I would watch it, remember its not true, and give my attention to that emotion.  My feeling was inside my belly.  I kept going back to this place.  It was as if this emotion needed tending to...just space, no rational, no hurrying up to change it, no justifications.  Just a vigilant observer and compassionate listener.  Isn't that what we really want, when we are in some sort of pain.

A Gift in Everything

A light flashes before me
A light that pierces through the clouds
Reminding me -
Within the darkness
The light can still shine through
...
A little later on,
The clouds reach over the whole sky
As I see it,
Yet what I see is a small dimension of the whole
For the sun still shines it's light behind the clouds
The seed of light is always in me
The sun keeps shining
Even when the clouds hide from my outer view

While the clouds cross over the sky
It leaves me with a gentle cool breeze
A refreshing caress over my skin
...
I awaken
Not only to the light of the sun
But the gifts of the clouds.

Recieved by Stephanie Sarasvati 11/29/2011

Synopsis:
As I sat by the water by the beach yesterday, there was a moment when the sun peaked its face out to greet me.  It was glorious.  Then the clouds came by in full force, and sitting there as present as I could be, I felt the breeze, cool, refreshing, a gift.  I felt as though the the Mother Earth was trying to remind me that our gifts don't just come from the light, but from the dark moments in our lives.  This is a great reminder.  When the moments are tough, remembering there are gifts in them, we just have to open ourselves up to them.

A Timeless Moment

I take several full breaths
Allowing my inner and outer world to connect
I awaken my senses-
to feel the aliveness of this moment

Slow and steady
No need to rush
Even to write all this down
My connection to the present moment
To my breath
To the conscious awakening of my senses
Bringing me into my self
As I embrace my oneness
My connection with life

I let the sounds of nature
Sing to me
The delicate raindrops
That touch upon the roof of my car
As if this symbolizes
Nature touching the crown of my being
Cleansing the car that I sit in
Cleansing the ego of my mind
So that I may be where life is

In this sweet moment
In moments that arise in me
The thought of rushing to put these words down
At first, clearly uninvited
and then...
I now invite them into my state of allowing
I breath, I see, I hear, I observe
All that flows around me-
and in me
I hear the occasional wave crash against the shore
And see it dissolving back into the source of its whole
With this,
The Earth's essence speaks to me
Hear the thoughts that crash against your source
And as you see them,
they dissolve back to its source
The one who carries the space for them
As the ocean carries the space for the waves to crash upon the shore

As I open my eyes
And I listen with my ears
I open my senses
to the wisdom of our Sweet Mother Earth
And as she talks,
I listen
And I see the reflections she offers to me
When I am open
Is when I can see

The bell of consciousness
Awakens me from my dreams
Remembering my connections-
and reflections
To life in me-
and around me.

Received By Stephanie Sarasvati 11/22/2011

Synopsis:  I caught an eternal glimpse of presence.  A story of this encounter.

We Are Enough

I want to be more
I want to be famous
There is something in me-
that feels that I am not enough
I have that old thought pattern in my head
I must be famous to be successful
I have to reach millions
Bigger - better
...all along
At the very essence
I feel that I am not enough
Reaching and wanting more

So today...
I admit this phantom thought-
that has lurked behind the scenes

Right now, I embrace
and see how this gets in my way-
in my way for feeling complete

From this struggle that has shown itself in me
Has arisen compassion and understanding
For I now feel for the human race
For thousands of years
We have felt that we are never enough
Wanting more, something else is better, something bigger then...
me

As I strive to remember my self,
I will practice
Being in this moment
Is enough

I am enough
You are enough
We are enough

I am
You are
We are.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 11/8/2011

Synopsis:
Another poem inspired by the interview of Echart Tolle's Even the Sun will Die.  This has been a huge realization for me, because for quite sometime I have felt that there is something more for me... a feeling of not satisfied, a feeling of incompleteness.  I had to first really admit the egoic thoughts that have lingered for some time... wanting to be famous, reach more and more people.  Right now I have the grace of reaching lots of people, and it is enough.  I had to really look and see, I was and still sometimes not satisfied with where I am.  Not complete, there is more...  So today I of course would love to reach more and more people, but I am satisfied for I am and I am living my life's purpose.  I am complete with where I am, and what I am doing.  I am at peace.

This has also helped me have a lot more compassion for others, because I understand on a deeper level how that struggle that has plagued us for thousands of years.  So instead of judging where most of humanity struggles, I see it in me, and I understand.

Existence IS

There is a vastness that exists before me
and when I can reach the place where no mind dwells
I can feel it
Experience it
Without a label
Without a word

I can walk with my feet and my legs
Fully in a state of resting walk
Resting my muscles
Resting my mind

I can sit in the middle of a forest of woods
And admire in my no mind world
The life that moves around me
and through me

Resting in a place inside
Where there are no words to name
No words in my brain
A place exists where there IS 
No where to go
Nothing to change
Nothing to add
It is just here with my breath
This is where existence IS.

Recieved by Stephanie Sarasvati 11/8/11

Synopsis:  This poem is inspired by the interview with Echart Tolle - Even the Sun Will Die.  Reminding myself by remembering that with a no thinking mind, I can experience existence.   Throughout the day today after listening to this interview, I was reminded again and again of who I am beyond thought beyond form.  One second of a quiet mind is eternal and it is this kind of moment that is fulfilling.

Our Many Colors

Is the winter coming early?
Go in, retreat, renew?
I feel its time to surrender to the impulse within
And be with this place.
I am at a crossroads
Yet I am not sure where
In a cloudy space of existence
where my mind is pouring into the sounds
that are fading and dimming
like the numbness on a shock filling day
Maybe the power of mourning surges within
Enough figuring out
Let it all in
without knowing
without  contemplating
Letting the field of emotions be
as the colors be
on a fall windy day
Never questioning the colors
Allowing the variety to set in.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 11/6/2011
Synopsis:
Working with the emotions and not labeling them as good or bad.  Allowing without the mind adding to each emotion.  I also write this poem to remind myself to give myself space to feel.  When challenges arise, it is easy for me to numb out somehow.  This is my reminder.  Maybe it can be yours too.  :)

Clearing Facets

Sweet candles light the room
Am I here to smell them?
A miracle has occured within me
Am I here to witness my breath?
Sweet Jasmine flowers radiate this room
Am I here to see them?
These are the questions that reach into my being
Do I listen, do I see, am I here
And in the midst of a new form of turmoil
Do I listen to the inner knowing?
Do I hear that inner breath?
Do I see the vast beauty in all the ranges of emotions
that envelop this body?
I am awake to this
Yet I react
I guess I am at the step of observing the melodies
That come into being
I see that the lessons are before me
Challenging at times
But these are what come in the way of my consciousness
I see the inner workings at play
Listen, feel, learn
My obstacles are a gift
Helping me to remember
what stands in my way
I offer them love and patience
My senses are awakening today.

Recieved by Stephanie Sarasvati 11/4/2011

Synopsis:  After coming into a challenge today, I felt what my consciousness wanted to bring forth.  Yet even though I heard and practiced some of it (like breathing and observing) I still reacted.  Today I feel empowered because I am thankful for this challenge.  It is something that gets in the way of my presence.  As I learn, and experience, I evolve my spirit into a clearer portal of consciousness.  Isn't that what life is about?  

A Letter to My Ancestors

A soul enters this body
with an ocean of awareness
a vast sea of emotions
Waves of pleasure and pain
Sensing the feelings
of others,
of I
In this vast dwelling on Earth
Ancestors, help me remember
The pleasure and the pain
For I have dwelled here
And am here now
Awake
and often asleep
and often seeing the sleep
I have a debt to the ancestry before me
I have remembered your pain
I see it and feel it
But now sweet ones,
It is time to celebrate your beauty,
your wisdom,
your love,
And bring it
to this new day
I awaken to the joys before me
I awaken to the love before me
I awaken your kinship with the Earth
and I celebrate
For all has happened beyond the knowing
of that who is me
And I ask that you celebrate with me
For you and me are we.

Written by Stephanie Sarasvati 11/3/2011

Synopsis:
Many times I feel like I see through the eyes of my indigenous ancestors.  Many times I identify more with the pain that has happened through their eyes.  I want to now remember their pain, but most of all celebrate their gifts to the world.  This poem is a letter to my ancestors, with a message of healing, a message of joy, a message of celebration for their lives and mine.  For I may not understand the whole picture of how or why things are the way they are, but I can remember their, our beauty, the gifts that they have bestowed upon the world.

Emergence

Emerging...

I that is me
emerges out of the thoughts
that leave me from the past and future

Emerging from the mental form of analyzing
this or that
naming this or that

Emerging into a timeless source of uncovered vines
Intertwined into the root of my existence

Emerging into all that surrounds me
and into nothing

I emerge from ease and silence

My soul reaches to the Sun
So that I may join
In spreading more light.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 10 /25/2011

Synopsis:
As our souls emerge into presence, let us spread this love to others.  Now is the time.

That Sweet Room

We were in my room
and I knew deep down inside
 there would never be another moment like this
Bells ringing in the outside
Where fairies gather to play
Loving friends and family excited about our day

But in this room that landed this day
A moment that could take my breath away
Simple sweet and in between
Getting ready for my wedding dream
As old as I am
As young as I felt
When my mom helped me put on my fairie meld
The look in her eyes was
What she and I had been waiting for
The moment has come
A dream of dreams
And here it was
So special
A moment that will be forever in our hearts
And all around me in this sweet room
Was love all the way from when I was a little girl
My sweet Aunts and their love for me
Friends who have been like mothers to me
Fairies of young all by my side
And my sweet brother waiting till I put on my bride
OH what a day
in that sweet little room
The impermanence of it all
The moment is there
and then its gone.
How precious these moments
Life never to be the same again
Millions of moments
Passing us by
OH how this day reminds me
to live each moment of my life.

Silence is Near

I hear the birds and the rain
I feel the tightness in my belly
I try to leave out the story
Silence is close by

I feel a pulling at my chest
It is familiar
I feel it without the story
Silence is close by

Emotions want to spill over
Into an endless stream of pollution
But I breath
Making an effort to be in it
Silence is close by

I still hear the rain
I feel the pen in my hands
A loosening in my belly
Silence is becoming a part of me.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati  7/25/2011

Moving into Being

The wind passes through the leaves

Leaving the sound of rustled movement

and as the wind passes through 

It leaves behind a stillness

As this ebb and flow of movement to stillness

Ignites the cycles of life in all its seasons weathers and forms

And through this cycle ignites the cycles in me

Making me aware of what is 

As moments fleet to other moments

As Emotions pass through this body of mine

Leaving the sounds of pain, sadness, joy, and love

As these emotions pass through me

Afterwards, it leaves behind a stillness

Only to awaken if I choose to see

Bringing in the stillness to all the emotions that lie in me

The ebb and flow of life moving through me

Returning to consciousness again and again

Being moved with my emotions

Returning to that place inside me

That is still, soft, awake

Where the emptiness of words allows me to experience

What IS

Wishing for the crystallization of this place in me

Being- the anchor 

To all of life in me

All its movements

So that it flows like a dance

Like the leaves in wind

Moving and returning

And the being carrying the space for all its movements

Whenever we feel the being and air again.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati

Synopsis:  In my own self evolution, it resonates in my being that life carries all its fragrances, some bitter some sweet.   My life's aim is to return over and over again to that place that is my own presence.  I practice in my own life - trials and tribulations -  how to return to that place -  to eventually being able to contain all the weathers of my human existence - so that I may live and love and BE with them all - in consciousness -  in presence.  This is my Aim.

The Inner and Outer World

There is a soft mist out my window
Where the winged birds sing their stories
As the sweet drops of rain bring them nourishing food
And in the house in which I dwell
There seems a very calming presence
As if the resembling outside
Is reflecting inside
There is calm in my home
Ease in my body
And the dimn lighting of each room
brings a calming
an inward journey into silence
and all that makes music
I see the connection of the Sweet Earth into Myself
And I feel I am traveling into my creation
with harmony
Flowing like the seasons
Walking with the weather of today
Right  now, it is dimn outside
With beauty and perfection, for this is what is
And Inside my home it is dimn, quiet, relaxed
Reflection perfection, for this is what is
I walk the dance of life, letting each moment, each day lead me
to wherever it is I am to go
Never knowing
and Knowing this is it, this moment, right now.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati
I realized that my home is displaying an exceptional calm and quiet that is really refreshing.  And as I was writing this poem, I could hear the outside and the rain, and the birds singing out my window.  A few moments ago, I took a walk outside, being as present as I could in the woods.
I connected with the outside, and I connected with the inside,  feeling the reflection, and seeing perfection in what is, without wish for something different.

The Lingering Question

Who am I?

A question that shows its face in this day of overcast skies

Where the sun seems as if it were light years away

Or is it?

The rain and the clouds share its space with me today

As I feel the heaviness of my body

I feel in disarray

All alone

in my thoughts and feelings

Looking to remember who I am

Yet falling short so it seems

In this dance that shows its face on this overcast morning.

Who am I?

So the master speaks to wake me from my dream

and I only know of what I am not

Yet catch me in the moment and I am totally

obliged into what is in that moment

Caught in the perception of past incarnations

trapped so it seems in the doors of chained dimensions

And so I sit here today

Half in one world and half in another

Yet my desire is to sit in the world of truth and oneness

Where the who am I is awakened into all depths of my being

Crystallized in me

Who am I lingering as the words reach the paper

I am not the heavy weight of my thoughts

I am not the characters in which I play

I am not the anger or hopelessness that I feel

I am not the disappointed fearing little girl

I am not the depressed woman of hardship

I am not the moments of despair  and alone

I am what is left

I am behind the scenes around and all about

I am what is the silence

That holds me up

even when I am falling

I am the nothing of where it all begins and ends

Nothing

Not a thought, memory, affirmation, feeling, emotion

Nothing is what I am 

In the void of the absolute

I stand

Sharp as a razor 

Dull as a knife

In every little inch of everything

I am 

and nothing at the same time

So it moves on fleeting the ever present question on this am morning

Who am I?

So I sit not knowing and knowing

Nothing and everything is what I feel

Feeling the void and the vastness of it all

Sitting indoors, inside of me

On this overcast morning

Half asleep, half awake

Waiting for the sun's light to crystallize in me

Reaching to live an awakened dream.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati    5/16/2011

Know Your Story - Part 2

I've got a story to tell
The story that I have been living
Seems like the pathway to hell
The irony that unfolds in this tale
Is that with open eyes
You can see the pain and how it prevails

So you see,
Your story that you carry for so long
Becomes your accustomed right, your habitual tale
And when you open your eyes to the real illusions
They materialize in all that is not you

So as I unfold yet another story
I awaken to the character in me
A soldier's forever story
I learned not to trust
Defensive a must
Anger occurs quick
Ready for battle at the inch of a slip

The character transcends through time
and is now questioning all that comes by
Not trusting in the motives of others
Their opinions and judgements bring detriment
This character feels destruction
Every conversation is a battle
Trust in the other person could be fatal
On high alert from any old fable

So this is the story that arises
Lack of trust in others or the process
Defensive is the habitual unconscious
Rebuttal and argument is its fondest

The stories that reveal
When we seek to awaken
I bring this to the light
As the the first  process to transcendence.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 5/5/2011

Synopsis:
It is true that I have many many stories that are just starting to reveal themselves to me.  It just so happens that the Soldier Story is the one that comes up a lot now.  I have come to realize that this story makes itself known in many of my intimate relationships.  I am bringing this story to the light for it has had a strong hold long enough.  It is not to say that it is just going to disappear.  But I am conscious of it.  I am awake to it.  I reflect on when this story has shown its face in other circumstances.  Through the guidance of my teacher or other teachers, I have come to realize that it wasn't real.  The reactions and actions that I reflected were not based on truth.  So this is a little mantra that I take with me right now, "It is not true".  When we are interested in presence and consciousness and awakening to our true nature, we must sometimes see what gets in our way so we may see what is not true... to find out what is true.

Know Your Story -Part 1

Do you want to live in existence of love
In the state of presence above all else?

Well there is something that is a must
Know your stories that bring you disgust

In the simplest of terms they bring their own meanings
From the victim who is always complaining
Blaming others for anything and everything

Then there are the stories of power and control
Forcing their will on others, trying their best to maintain control

And then there are the stories of fear, distrust, battle for every little thing
Significant even when it is not

So here we are as a Human Race
With stories that take us away from Grace
From the victim who gives their power away to others and things
Limiting their action to change
And the one who thirsts for power from others
Meanwhile inside is feeling powerless - their struggle
Then sometimes the story of fear in others
Not trusting and defensive is their inner motive
All the while their projection is only a reflection
Of what is deeply reveiled on the inside

So......
"Know all your stories"
Is what I am told
and eventually they will lessen their hold.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati  5/4/2011

Synopsis:
As is said in this poem our stories that reflect our relationships with others that cause dissonance at times is our fall from grace.  Our rights and wrongs, our hopelessness, our Bullyingness etc... are all stories that we have acquired in this life.  Most of us have them.  Many times they take us out, make us angry, upset, dictator like, etc...  If we want to free ourselves from the strong hold that they have we must see them for what they are.  They are not real.  They are our perceptions from our certain narrow glasses.  No matter how just or unjust it seems in the moment.  If we desire more presence, then we must bring consciousness to these stories.

Accept the Struggle

Do we not think of our connection to the whole?
Do we not know that we feel
as what happens around us?
Wake up child!
This is the land of the living
When your eyes seek to open...
 look around you
The suffering that reaches the doorsteps of your fellow siblings...
 is part of you.
When the Earth cries her tears of pain...
 be sure you can feel it too
When the stars reach to find new evolutionary paths...
 they influence you too.
So sit here and remember as you search for silence and peace
Indeed it lays in you
Always and forever
But don't turn your back to what is
What is all around you.
Feel it in your body
Know that you are part of this Whole
Accept the ways of the world...
and you will start to accept your self
Do not struggle
With what is,
Where you ARE or what you feel
Surrender to it
And through this blissful state of acceptance
New doors will open
In the invisible and visible
The heart will see the truth of all there is
And as the doors open
We and all oneness will show you the way
Then you can show others
And let the whole
Find a new and old way.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 4/10/2011

Synopsis:
As I was meditating this morning, I sat with sadness and fear.  I accepted it for brief moments, but there was always something nagging at me in the back of my  mind  "are you finished yet", or "I am ready for feeling the bliss of silence".  Just these thoughts that float in the back of my head were where the deep routed struggle lies.  I was still struggling. Wanting to change what is.  It is however very rewarding to be able to see this deep struggle.  Bringing this struggle into the light... is consciousness... and this is the only way to true transcendence.  Accept and observe.  So the struggle is in me... and right now... I accept it fully... for me and for you.... and just like that right in this moment as I am typing these letters... I can feel the lightness of it all... transcending.  Part of this grace that is unfolding right now IS because I am sharing it with you.  So thank you!

A Perfect Emotional Aim

I am a raging storm
Withered by the emotions that take part in me
Lightening strikes
Winds start to stir the very existence under my feet
All alone
Is how i feel
Yet as I set foot in this storm
Consciousness is what I look to find as I anchor
The tools that have helped me reach the place in which I stand
Raging waters moving in
Like the plummeting of tears on that violent day
Do not speak of it
So I have been told
Do not pour out your grievances unto another
Hold it in
Not in a suppressed manner
But in a way where you can breath it
digest it, and let it burn itself out
Fool I am to think I can be a master of such a task
Oh God,
My will is there, deep within the heart of my soul
I see the aim you have given me
And it shows up
Yet the violence of my words still find there way out
I know that I am not perfect dear One,
but I ask for you to bring me another anchor
So that I may ride the storm
With less outside harm
and let it burn up
In the seeds of my karma
So I may also do this for our World.
Pollution is an onset continuum in this millennium
Where it is reflected in our outer pages of being
Where do I rise from my fall
and open into the seeds of healing
For I, Thee, All
And for the Earth
I want to help replenish her soil.

By Stephanie Sarasvati 3/30/2011

Synopsis:  In the Gurdjieff Work, I have been given an aim not to express negative emotions.  For when we express it we pollute those around us, like the pollution of the earth, in the invisible realm.  In my heart I want to jump into it and do it.  Yet as the week unfolds, it has been a challenge.  Emotions are energy, if we express it outward (negative emotions) then we spew it out and feel drained.  We can use these emotions as fuel.  For transformation.  Yet in all of this, there is another message, Effort is wonderful, beautiful, important.  But nobody says you have to be perfect.  Keep trying, don't beat yourself up for the limitations that confront you now.  That is it.  Hope this finds some space for you in your journey home.

Coming Home

I am grateful for the Aim of the  work
reaching into myself
with the will of another
Looking to find the light into the mechanics and habits of man
It is a human body that I have taken into this incarnation
and the lessons and frustrations and unconsciousness
take there toll from lifetime to lifetime
Yet in me as I gain the support of the Spiritual
and am held with the inspirational
I move through my aim
For the mechanics of my behavior and personality
Are not me
But with my effort I get to see a different aspect in me
I reach to find the string of hope
As I plunge forward on this journey
Grateful for the wise one's who bring me home
Grateful that I take the courageous first step
To use this aim to bring me home.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 3/11/2011

Synopsis:
An Aim is part of the Work that Gurdjieff talks about.  It is in his basic teachings.  It is meant to shift us out of our mechanical behavior and personality.  I am grateful for this great teaching, for it is a great part of the path to consciousness.

Period Blues

I've got a case of the period blues
there seems to be nothing that can get me in a good mood
the only thing that wants to come into the mix
Is a sweet treat that cannot be missed
And even in those times that nothing can be
You can give me a piece of bread
That can be a treat.
All alone I want to sit in my bed
and sleep away the exhaustion from the hormones at hand
Period blues
You have a story to tell
Everything in life feels like a story of hell
Nothing right
and always wrong
Heavy with emotions
Its the same old song
On the 28th day
The blues start to come out to play
If your lucky you may have an early hormonal visitor
Reminding you to check your day
So put it on your calender
Remember when the Blues is heading your way
Fill up with the sweets
and the bread will be a treat
And play it all out
For many of us woman it sends us in a bad mood
So lets laugh at the period blues
Cause sometimes that's all we can do.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati  2/10/2011

Synopsis:
Sometimes laughter is the best remedy.  My friend Susie says "hormones rule".

Retrieving

Endless copies of old dreams
Reoccur in this waking dream
I am not this thought
I am not this body
So I sit in the place of existence
In a place where I am accepting totally where I am
Uncomfortable, irritable, tense
Breathing into this scene of the dance
Remembering a tool of yesterday
Feeling in the background my belly
Splitting my attention for something
Remembering to let go of the longing
Peace by piece I show up
To retrieve the shattered pieces of me
And to remember the whole of who I am
And bring the center of peace
Into this sleepless awakened dream.

Recieved by Stephanie Sarasvati 3/9/2011

Synopsis:
I am accepting without judging in this moment, exactly where I am.  Splitting my attention, remembering as best I can.  I must heal those parts of me that have been shattered in the past, by giving them space acceptance and presence.  

I See So I Become Free

I am
Here I am
Right here right now
Accepting the ebb and flow
of all that is in me
all that I observe with my real eyes
and the I's of things once remembered
I sit in a place where I am aware
Aware of my body
and all the prana of life that flows through the cells of my being
And in this awareness my real eyes
see the eyes of thought that seek to know, understand, or reflect on something from the past
It brings itself present through fleeting moments
So instead of trying to block them
or repress them
as if they do not exist
I observe them
My being observes them
Allowing it all
Understanding with Real eyes
letting it travel and digest
so that I am free
Moment to moment
I lose myself in thought
Only to come back to remember who I am
Seeking nothing in this state of grace
Letting the rivers flow take me
Grounding in my inner take of my body
Knowing that each thought must be seen
So that the I who is here
can blossom
and reach its petals closer and closer to the sunlight.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 3/6/2011

Synopsis:  This poem is inspired by my morning readatation.  Based on the work of Gurdjieff and one of his students Jeanne D Salzman in the book "The Fourth Way".  Also inspired by my mentor.  She knows who she is.  This poem is a practice.  It is a practice of presence.  It is a process of remembering oneself.   First I split my attention by focusing as I was writing on sensing my body.  This was a grounding to keep me present.  I then with no attachment observed my thoughts that arose and let them fleet away.  I was inspired by the "Work" in remembering that our thoughts are not who we are.  But first we must see them and allow them... and then in the process become free of them.  In the past, I would try and repress and block my thoughts any time they showed up.  Today I allow them, see them, and know they are not who I am.

A Chant

As I wonder through my travels today
In life's splendid incarnations of different depths and different colors
all existing in the play of life
I find the words "Remember thy self"
to be the one that explodes into my consciousness

... and yet how can I share with what I am if I don't know what it is
So as to inspire to thy self in who is me
What is it to know thy self?

and so I pause
Take in a few breaths...

I am taken to the center of all storms
To the center of all personalities and forms
All catastrophes
and I am calm
My body is relaxed in a state of ease
that I can feel the inner muscles of my fingers
I can feel the rhythm of my breath
inhales dancing into the exhales
There is space, silence, quiet
and a feeling of utter gratitude
as I sit in this place
The world is moving,
and even when I am moving
there is a beam of light within me
centered, relaxed calm, quiet, observing
All that is.
And the most encouraging of lessons for me is
I can allow this
I can chose this
I can dissolve all else to this
and in my life today, as all that comes into the fray
I move to remember this
I chant over and over again
"Remember thy self."

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati  3/3/2011

Synopsis:
"Remember thy self"  is so beautiful and so deep.  I wanted to share my experience with the reader, as maybe it can inspire a remembering in oneself.

Take Your Breath With You

The day starts busy
and that is okay
The mind wakes up busy
and this is okay
but wait...
What can I do
to spiritualize my life
so that my connection to the source
is always by my side?

and so ...

"Dear child live your life
find the courage to silent your  mind from time to time
The overwhelming challenges that seem to take you out of this light
is just a stepping stone when you realize the divine.
So here it is simple and pure
Find your breath, feel your breath, focus on your breath
Even as these words fill this sheet.
Don't try to complicate it all
with fancy dialog and practices
keep it simple
just observe your breath.
Take a moment slow down
and breath
Embrace the busyness where life takes you
for this is how it is supposed to be right now
and breath through it
keep it simple
As you bring space into those moments.
Don't wish to change your life
from not engaging in it
Awaken the fearless warrior and embrace it
Just find some space while you breath through it
Dear child.
This is how you can spiritualize your life today!"

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati  3/2/2011

Synopsis:
During my meditation this morning it was a busy mental one.  lots of thoughts and worries and what I have to do today etc.... I tried to do some of the different techniques that are a little difficult and fancy at times when I am so distracted.  And then it came... "Stephanie... just keep following your breath - keep it simple"  and just like that there was an awakening after a few minutes.  A little space from my busy mind.

A Message from Our Ancestors

Love is a series of dreams
Real to the heart when it is opened
Life is a series of lessons
opening to the doors of understanding
A place in the soul lies the gifts of the oneness
that stands before space and time
Reach to find the golden gate bridge
that connects human and the divine
Love surrounds the heart in a tunnel where darkness sometimes reaches to come in
But have faith my friend
We are all around you
Supporting you as you journey within
Life is love, and love is life
And light is you, and you are light
Travel on in your steps that bring you to wherever you are going
And know that this path is never a mistake
Perfection is even in your "slip ups"
Reach for nothing
For we are here
We are your lineage
We have set a path of light around you
connecting you with who you are
Step into life
The courage has already surfaced for you see it already in you
Walk here
And know that life is a splendid gift
And you particpating
And our Aiding
is a milestone for the masses
and that mass of all that is within you
Shine on, walk on, live on
For we are always behind you.

Received by stephanie Sarasvati 2/28/2011

Synopsis:
I had no idea what was coming when the words appeared.  This is a message for us to march on, live your life, look for the lessons, and remember we are not alone.  The illuminaries have paved a way, and we are here to add more light onto the journey, for ourselves and all who follow.

There is an Opening

Life is a series of dreams
some real and some unreal
In a doorway that lays before us -
it is an opening to awaken
Choose to see the light within your presence
But it must be a choice!
Every moment and every day there is a choice
to walk through the door of consciousness
and unravel into who you truly are

When the I of hunger takes place
you follow the dream of the unreal
Or
you can choose the door of consciousness
where stillness prevails and nothingness reminds you of your oneness
When the path of heavy feet seem to drudge you in your walk
At this moment we  can choose to identify with this illusion
or find the door within us that opens its way to the light

And so this is the journey of man
no matter how many lifetimes it has to happen at hand
in your dream state
or in your awake state
there is a door waiting for you to enter
it is filled with stillness and nothingness
that which expands over seas and galaxies
in a place where nothing has to be done
no work has to be did
it is a passive state of allowing
allowing this ever present light to emerge
We are nothing stillness and oneness
when the mind stops
the breath relaxes and we do nothing but allow

Allow the river of your true divine nature to emerge
and set forth on the vastness on whom you are.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 2/23/2011

Synopsis:
Every moment of every day we have a choice.  This is a message to take back our power.  During my meditation this morning, I had many different I's (personalities) swaying for my attention.  The one of hunger and what will I eat, the feeling of heaviness in life that comes upon me.  And through it all, I made it my soul purpose to reach to the I in me of stillness, and nothingness and silence.  I chose it over and over again.  This is the practice, to remind ourselves and to remember our true divine nature.

A Snow Dream

The snow falls out the window
stillness captures the moving ringlets of flakes
crisp afternoon in the fall end of winter
ohhh we have one more snow white afternoon
little girls play making angels
adults listen to the tapping of snow
the birds chirp up in the distance
elegance is here in the snow
the aura of trees pass before me
glistening white with sparkles of light
something awakens inside me
my connection with nature's divine
alone it may seem when we are asleep
awake we see we are part of this dream
a dream that is awakened to the eyes of the spirit
a deep wonderland dream.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 02/21/2011

Synopsis:
Dreams of snow wake me to the dream of the divine.

What "They" are Saying

Leave, leave, leave,
that is what the I in me says
when things get hard and heavy
leave leave leave
things are troubled
who needs this heavy?
Rise, rise, rise,
is what the I of wisdom and transcendence says
look to see, look to be, look to find all in thee
and as the war wages between the eyes
all i want to do is
cry, cry, cry,
for the pain is extraordinary
within my eyes
and all the hurt from all the lives
doesn't pass me by
put shows up to say hi
and all that comes about
is I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this
it is so hard, so hard, so hard
all that comes inside my brain are whispers of
no, no, no,
this is not how the show is supposed to go.
Life, life, life,
it is so strange strange strange
So much stuff against us
its no wonder we are deranged
In the midst of chaos
from seeing the light
and returning to the darkness
there is a shedding of light
not once here
but always there
for the torch to come through the light
so first it is told to me
to see the many I's in me
and with this I will see
Bringing light
into my dark sea.
Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 10/17/2011

Synopsis:
These are some of the many I's (personalities) that keep me away from remembering my self.  First I must see them, before anything else can occur.

A Walk Against the Tide

My feet clatter onto a post of dreaded waters
being pulled with heavy anchors on my feet
the tide rushing into the opposite of where I wish to travel
Save the light inside of me sweet soul
for the currents have pulled me into a tavern of unlit skies
where the old pains and old cries and old tides
keep reaching at my sides
as if the other I's have taken over
and pull me into a side where a sleeping crow would go

today as I wake up, I feel the pull
the pull to go back to sleep
the pull to wave my hands across my eyes
as not to deal with the surging tide that moves against me

Sweep to find the immortal self in a job of cleaning that once seemed to be mine
yet all the dust has risen and I am left unsettled and refined
close the doors of envy
and all the traits that stand in the way of man
Asleep is where they find us
we need a helping hand.
Received By Stephanie Sarasvati 10/17/2011

Synopsis:
Maybe a full moon occuring or what... lol.  But today is a day where I feel that I am really against the current of where I wish to rise above.  This is also a prayer... for when we get so deep in our old ways that keep us asleep, we need to surrender and call to the higher.  This is also a way of release.  for writing is a way of moving our energy.  

Sleeping Tears

Tears pass into a dream-
that I often want to dismiss
The power of loss
and all it omits
Taken away from a loved one
A change that says goodbye-
to that which I once knew
Every moment is a death to something new
Yet the loved ones along the way
The things we grow to love
Change-
in a moments existence

So as I read the works of something new
Enveloped in the story
and when it ends
the loss that fills my tears
In a depth of sleep
Only awake to write
Seeing the mourning of a new day
But to see the newness of that morning
I must observe first, the mourning.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati Miner 2/9/2011

Synopsis:
The simple endings to things we love, not only the grand of loss, brings a deep remembrance in me.  Somehow loss, mourning is something that hides beneath the shadows of the smallest things in my existence.  On this path of remembering, I bring the courage to face all that shows up, when I show up.  Writing is one way for me to open my eyes to see.  I truly feel to be free, we must face all that shows up, and leave the shadow and enter a new dawning.  Every moment this is possible...or so this is what I aspire to.

Dedication to the Dark Side of Man

A million years have passed
or so I'm told
as the ascension of humanity reaches new peaks
in the releasing of the old
and bringing in the newness of love
that transcends time and space

Look to find a new way to see the world
so we can see our selves

In this path that reaches at my doorstep
the realms of infinite wisdom that encompasses the cosmos
sends a message to all of us who rise to the human evolution

"The forces that come up in this time
reach into the realms of extremes and all in between
positive and negative the pendulum swings
Reach to find the neutral of a force
and look to see this god given Source
for a long time
it has been reoccurring back and forth
it is now time for the third force
sometimes expressed in the law of three
as the possibility emerges
to transcend this seat

And the question arises what is the neutralizing force?
See the light and darkness in others that also exists in yourself
for when this understanding reaches to all your brothers and sisters
the love will emerge
and begin the transcendence

As you see the unconsciousness of a political creed
see in yourself those times you experience the sleeping dream
Every time you see a corporation in its immense greed
See in yourself those times you wanted more and bigger things
Look at all the criminals and the anger that they rage
and find in your self the times you caught fire with another
mad, angry, frustrated and all similar things...
for this is a product of the same force
Look and see the folks
who think they are better then
and remember a time in your life when you felt that same theme

In all the sages saints and wise ones before
they all teach to see yourself in all of the world
So as we understand the forces of all beings
compassion and love emerge, for we carry all the same things
So at this time of birth as a new day rebirths
Send love and light to each and every being
Especially those who seem completely immersed on the darker of sides
For the truth replies we carry all this within our lives
So when we awake into this new day of consciousness
that emerges as light and love
It goes to the dark side
So we can completely emerge all into love."

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 2/2/2011

Synopsis:
This is a special time in history where we can find a higher way.  The message that occurs is to look into the darkness of all others and see it in ourselves so we can understand... understanding leads to compassion.  Many times we send the love and light of prayers to victims... which of course is completely needed.  Yet we forget about the darker part of humanity that indeed resides in each and every one of us.  Many times it seems that the balance of negativity is tipping favorably into this outcome... yet one of the major forces that can bring the higher force is to send light and consciousness to the darkness that exists in others and ourselves.  So when we send this out to the unconscious beings, we send this not only to our brothers and sisters but into the darkness within ourselves.
The pendulum has been swinging back and forth for a very long time... we Now have the opportunity  to reach a higher source.

I wake up often with the feeling of melancholy in my veins and eyes
Weary of each moment
as discomfort plays in the background
And as this common tune rings its face into my consciousness
I am reminded
what am I grateful for today
And as I work through this
to make a shift that I want to exist
I think to myself
wow...
I am thankful for this Earth
Sweet Mother Earth
Who feeds me, nourishes me, and keeps me company,

I am grateful for the words in which I speak
That allow me to experience the colors of who I am

I am so grateful for the animals
that bring joy to my eyes
Just by seeing them in their essence

I feel grateful to have the love of friends
where we can share, love, and inspire,

I am grateful for the crisp cool air
Clearing and cleaning pollution from our skies

I am grateful for the glorious snow
that sits upon my doorstep
for to see a billowy white blanket shadowing trees, homes, etc
is far more breathtaking then I can imagine

I feel grateful for the Universal Oneness
That is my guiding force of light
Teaching me to remember our connection to all and everything
Lessons of collectiveness, love, and consciousness
Evolving the human being's soul

I am thankful for this moment in time
For it is the only one of its kind...
Thank you for the shift, thank you for this time,
The Universal Oneness asks us to remember gratitude all the time.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati
1/21/2011

Synopsis:
It is a frequent message from the higher, gratitude is a major key in the shift of where we we are, and were we want to be.  It is the key to unlock the transformation from darkness into love.

Its Your Turn

Turn, turn, turn
Watch the hum drum of events
Shocks to wake up the you
Pain has gotten in the way
personality has left you astray
turn turn turn
face the fact all that rests in you
Watch the path that lay ahead
Shock the system with evidence
of an evolution to unfold
wake to the dying personality
weaker it gets
as the driver of your soul is your soul
The many I's take a back seat
to the unfinished business you watch here on earth
Evolve to the school of wisdom
Shock the other I's with the real you
Learn from the escape of trapped doors
There is nothing trapped but you
Step outside
turn the key
choose it for yourself
This dear child
is school
And here is where you can learn.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/14/2011

Synopsis:
Inspired by the Gurdjieff work.  Every shock (accidental or not) is an opportunity to wake up the system.  What gets in our way will show up.  This is the school of life... all our personality issues are the books... we can read them, experience them, or we can hide them away.

The Ride

Sometimes the world seems to move so fast
In one minute I am in joyous passion
and the other minute I am in agony
Or sometimes I am calm and still
and in other moments there is the underlying discomfort
I am not okay with this moment
What can I do to change it,
What can I eat to not feel it
What can I do to not think about it
Play a game maybe
watch a  movie maybe
go to sleep maybe

All this change
always going on inside me
What do I search for in all of these levels of existence
do I sit still and clear my mind?
Do I dance till the emotions come to a rest
Ohhh how I don't know
Like the world changing
In me is a constant changing
Longing longing longing
to remember that space within
Where there is no noise
Or I am corrected
Where I am okay even when there is noise
I am at peace with all that shows up
I can observe when the waves of life show up
Or maybe I can contain a little
live a little
Be present a little
To all that i do
Focus on right now
Because right now goes to the past in less then a second
Ohh the world in me is always changing
and the vision that displays before me
"be okay with the ride"
Not good or bad
Just what is
Okay with what is, ever changing
and within
the ever stillness can emerge
"Okay with what is"

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/14/2011


Synopsis:

This poem is just another journal entry of what I work with every day.  When I start writing, it always comes to me, be okay with what is.  It goes as a reflex almost for me to change what is.  I carry so many different emotions during the day.  When I catch these emotions (definately not always) I can start with being wherever I am right now, or sometimes to try not to go to far into any story, I concentrate on what I am doing to the best of my ability.  Being as present as possible.  This is my work for today.
May your "ride" carry the passengers of acceptance and presence.

A Journey to Acceptance

Another day comes
and the blessings reach far beyond the universe
or so I think
With all of this known and forgotten at times
I have found myself in a pool of emotions
where the depth of who I am is sitting at a distance
Observing I am sure
yet Identifying a lot Yes.
The bounds that keep me asleep have returned
I am lost in the wounds of unpleasantries.
Asleep is the place where I find myself
When I couldn't face the emotions that stirred within me
Asleep is where I find my self, when the thoughts have become part of my identity
I know how I got here
Tired as I am
Yet I throw my hands up to the Sky
Why do I hide this cry?
Wake up from this dream
Don't let perfectionism enter in this scheme
But yet...
observe this need to be perfect
Knowing you are trying your very best
Sometimes the universe throws you  a lot
Sometimes you can catch it before you rest
Its okay to feel what you feel
Its okay to think what you think
Look to that which is absolute
And see it as just one of those days
In this world that we choose of this work
It sometimes seems like a lot
I offer this to my divinity
I bring light To all that has come about
Needing to be perfect, sad when I'm not, feeling icky, thoughts of pain linger about
All this I see.
And the lesson for me as of now
I can't change or get rid of what has shown up
But I can see it, observe it, bring it to the light
and let it all unfold
But I throw my hands up to the sky
Oh Lord
I surrender that of the Human I am
I surrender to All that I am

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/13/2011

Synopsis:
This poem is a raw journal entry.  This poem carries a lot of my suffering.  This poem reminded me how hard I try to be perfect on this path.  Catch every emotion when it arises.  Transcend it... ect ect ect...  and I subconsciously want to get rid of all the uncomfortable things that show up.  But the truth for me is Consciousness, light, acceptance (not get rid of or change).  For me the emotions in the beginning where very uncomfortable, but I couldn't contain it all, then from not addressing or giving my emotions the space that they needed, it moved on to the way I look at myself in the mirror, where all the harsh thoughts arise, which feed the emotions. So then my emotions where all lit up, and then a nice meal to dull it all.  So this is where I wrote from.  And as I was writing... I realized that underlying thought of wanting to be perfect... here it is again, why didn't I transcend it ect... and in the end... observing, bringing it to the light of my consciousness, accepting where I am and total surrender to the Source of Divinity is all that I can do.

I share this with you, to hopefully remind you in times that are hard, that you are not alone.  and maybe with all that comes at us at times, maybe this can inspire us to surrender and accept.  This is where we are right now, and through it all you know what..."it's okay".  We are perfect just the way we are.

Aim for Living

Today is not like any other morning
It is not the past nor the future of any of my thoughts
For it is now.
It is consciousness
It is the intention of awake
to all that I do... all that I am
I wander not in my dreams
But in the state of here and now
I look to find nothing
that which is not in front of me
I am the conscious being
Who witnesses all that arises in me
Right now
Not tomorrow or yesterday
So for this moment
I am awake
Awake to my fingers on this key pad
Awake to the distractions
The centers that find an awakening
And I see them NOW
I am fully here to what is
Fully feeling all that is in me
And all the hormones
that dance within me
Like the classical of ballets
I witness
I take them in
Not to distract myself
But give it its space
to find itself within me
And with this I dance not in a dream
But in the reality of this moment
and pause every certain amount of moments
and check in
From mechanical being
To an awakened being.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/12/2011



Synopsis:
I woke up this morning feeling inspired. This came from a reading and meditation.    I gave my mind, body and emotions a little space in meditation. Then some inspiration from the book In Search of the Miraculous by Gurdjieff.  I am beginning to realize the importance of starting my day with some sort of spiritual inspiration, and meditation.  So today, I feel like really observing myself, really being as much as possible.  This is my aim today.  This is my conscious aim.  I want to bring light to my mechanical or robotic self.  Right now.  And appreciate this moment.
Thank you to my mentor, my group of support, and everyone who reads this.  For this all inspires me to write more.
May you find your inspiration today.

Finding "The Way"

Moments pass into eternity
as I wonder in what state am I in
I lift a thousand pounds of emotions
Just to say I am not clear
The subtle emotions that linger in me
are a passing
that lingers in time
as I sit here in my chair
I am feeling that common uncomfortable chime
Where do I go dear Lord
to transfer this pain that I carry in me?
I don't even know where it comes from
All I want to do is escape

But then there is something in me
That knows the "work" of the way
what shall I do to make this a gift for me today?
...
After a few breaths
A vision comes to me to be clear
Send the light of consciousness to that emotion
And let that be all that it is
Feel it, be it, see it
And let that be it
Make no stories up
And so shall it dissolve into the midst
For even as you write
you transform - you move the pain
And the light of your consciousness
Will let you know
All is okay.

Received by Stephanie Sarasvati 1/10/11

Synopsis
This poem and in fact all the poetry on this blog, has been inspired by Gurdjieff' and his book "In Search of the Miraculous".   As I sat at my computer desk, I realized that I had a feeling of discomfort.  That has been with me for my whole life.  It showed up as I sat here.  My mentor, (she knows who she is) told me one way to transform suffering is to create.  So here I wrote this poem.  And the teachings of Gurdjieff allowed me to just let the emotion have its space...But catch it before it takes on a story.  You see our stories, or justifications feed our emotions sometimes, and it becomes bigger and bigger.  But I know for sure I did not want it to become bigger.  So here you have it.  I hope this inspires you to catch that emotion when it arises, give it its space, create and be.

A Doorway To The Divine

I want to remember my Self dear God
Is there anything you can give and tell me-
so I can remember my Self?
That which is You, Me, We
and as I write these words
The sense of focus comes about-
a fully engaging focus in what I am doing
"When you step
be fully with it
Be fully with your breath
And in many moments
fully be in your stillness"

These are keys
into the doorway of the divine...
and with this
I breath fully
I feel my pen fully
I feel this journal fully
I feel my body fully
and I create a little space to Be-
exactly where I am right now
As to enjoy life,
as I fully embrace
This moment.

Received by
Stephanie Sarasvati  1/9/11


Synopsis
Last night, very quietly, I felt I wanted to feel present, awake.  As I was walking, I heard inside me "fully engage in each step", so I walked down the stairs, each step as mindful as I could, drink a sip of water as focused as I could and so on.  And in this state of presence, the words wanted to come through...

Universal Message

And the Almighty Universe said and says to me
The center of the storm
is all around you
Look and find the stillness in the mountaintop
But it exists not just there
But everywhere
Look at the stones below your feet
Still they Are
Greet them
Feel them
and you see your Self
Look at the trees in the distance
Before you sets the melodies of Ocean
Movement from water and stillness from the trees in the distance
Feel its stillness
And you will remember thee
In every blade of grass
and every everlasting weed
Even in their movement... there is stillness
When we open our eyes to see

Let the Universe spear to you in Chimes
songing the lyrics around you
the stillness is inside
Reach to find the parked car
The sitting garbage can
Feel its essence
Still, unmoving, unchanging
and You Dear One,
will find your...
Self there.

Received By Stephanie Sarasvati  1/4/11