A Perfect Emotional Aim

I am a raging storm
Withered by the emotions that take part in me
Lightening strikes
Winds start to stir the very existence under my feet
All alone
Is how i feel
Yet as I set foot in this storm
Consciousness is what I look to find as I anchor
The tools that have helped me reach the place in which I stand
Raging waters moving in
Like the plummeting of tears on that violent day
Do not speak of it
So I have been told
Do not pour out your grievances unto another
Hold it in
Not in a suppressed manner
But in a way where you can breath it
digest it, and let it burn itself out
Fool I am to think I can be a master of such a task
Oh God,
My will is there, deep within the heart of my soul
I see the aim you have given me
And it shows up
Yet the violence of my words still find there way out
I know that I am not perfect dear One,
but I ask for you to bring me another anchor
So that I may ride the storm
With less outside harm
and let it burn up
In the seeds of my karma
So I may also do this for our World.
Pollution is an onset continuum in this millennium
Where it is reflected in our outer pages of being
Where do I rise from my fall
and open into the seeds of healing
For I, Thee, All
And for the Earth
I want to help replenish her soil.

By Stephanie Sarasvati 3/30/2011

Synopsis:  In the Gurdjieff Work, I have been given an aim not to express negative emotions.  For when we express it we pollute those around us, like the pollution of the earth, in the invisible realm.  In my heart I want to jump into it and do it.  Yet as the week unfolds, it has been a challenge.  Emotions are energy, if we express it outward (negative emotions) then we spew it out and feel drained.  We can use these emotions as fuel.  For transformation.  Yet in all of this, there is another message, Effort is wonderful, beautiful, important.  But nobody says you have to be perfect.  Keep trying, don't beat yourself up for the limitations that confront you now.  That is it.  Hope this finds some space for you in your journey home.